Truck Nuts

Either a sure sign of the Apocalypse or the poster object for the time-honored theory that people will buy anything, Truck Nuts proved that large trucks are merely a form of owner's compensation for lacking, uh, "attributes." The funny thing is, these danglers are horribly out of proportion with the vehicles from which they are hung.



Seriously. Those things would look tiny on a Prius. Nice try, Mr. Big Ass Truck Owner. You have tiny balls.

Kidz Bop

Are you familiar with Kidz Bop? Please feast your ears upon this aural abortion:

The Kidz Bop series of albums feature popular (read: mostly shitty) songs re-recorded with soundalike vocalists and a chorus of kids. Kidz Bop is considered to be safe for children, unlike the songs in their original form (which are entirely of the devil.)

The disorienting experience of hearing the opening notes of a song, recognizing the song, and then realizing you're hearing a bastardization of the original song featuring screeching tweens and a Carnival cruise ship performer is pure hell. It's easily worse than hearing John Mayer's version of "Bold as Love," Elton John doing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," and Aerosmith vomiting "Come Together" on three stereos simultaneously. On the other hand, it's actually better than the cover of "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit. So, it has that going for it, I guess.

Kidz Bop is child abuse.

The Kindle

The Kindle is a $300 device that allows you to read books. Can I get a WTF?

I need books in several places: my chair, my bedside table, my son's karate class, my doctor's office, and my bathroom. That's a lot of moving around for a book. WAIT -- NO, IT ISN'T. IT'S A BOOK. IT IS EASIER TO TRANSPORT THAN THE KINDLE. There is no worry involved in book transport. This is not the iPod versus an entire record collection. This is an electronic device that's shaped like a book versus a book. Okay, more than one book, but what the hell? Do you really need your whole library at the touch of a button? Isn't it more satisfying to walk over to the shelf, run your finger along the spines, and pull down a book? And perhaps take that book with you somewhere? Jesus, people have really gotten stupid.

Look, it's obvious that I don't live the same life as a person who feels that it is necessary to own a Kindle. I'm sure there are many people who love their Kindles. I've heard about the ease of searching a text for words or phrases. The Kindle never killed a tree. Whatever.

It really all boils down to one thing.

Using a Kindle in public makes you look like an incredible douche.