Look. Everybody knows that you're proud. You've probably said "Hello, ladies" six hundred times today. Sure, 599 of them were uttered into random reflective surfaces, but you've got to start somewhere. I understand that your boys are finally serving a purpose rather than just hanging out and occasionally getting hit with blunt objects. I know that you think this makes you look grown up and ready to possibly touch a boob if she would just stop pushing your hand away for half a second DAMN.
Here's the thing: it doesn't.
You look like you've been suckling hind teat. You are a gangly, awkward mess with zits and a cracking voice. You aren't cute anymore and you smell. Puberty sucks, and you're simply going to have to struggle through it.
Do yourself a favor and shave that thing off -- it will grow back, and it will one day be glorious. Or you could always cover it in milk and let the cat lick it off. Take care of this. You might hate me today, but you'll thank me tomorrow.
Now cut that out before you go blind.
Amen
ReplyDelete